2010~

At the start of a new year I always say to myself " maybe this will finally be the good, pain-free, productive, worthwhile year i've been waiting for" and I'm always in for a rude awakening.

This year has been no different. At the end of 2009 I was more than ready for a rest. A good long spiritual, emotional, relational, physical REST. My soul was beyond exhausted. I couldn't wait for the clock to strike mid-night on the Eve of New Years, to put the cares of the past year behind me and to welcome the new year with eagerly awaiting arms. I wanted this year to be the year of abandonment. Of joy overflowing. Carefree anticipation. Infectious exuberance for the grand things the Lord had in store for me. This was gonna be a good year. Free from painful experiences if I could help it! This was THE year i had been hoping for to no avail the past 5+ years....

Once again, a RUDE AWAKENING.

This year has started off with cares from the past year becoming more painful and complicated rather than healed, finished,forgotten.

2010 will not, i repeat, WILL NOT turn out to be a pain-free year.

My beloved grammy, precious woman of God, is in her final days of her story here on earth. At any moment our wonderful Savior will call her home. Leaving those of us left behind with the painful abscence and loss of the sweetest woman i've ever met. My grandma's name is Rose- a more fitting name I couldn't imagine. "An excellent woman who can find, her worth is far above rubies." To say I've been blessed to know and love her, and be loved by her is an understatment. She is a treasure. I couldn't have asked for a better grammy, role model and friend. Her and my grandpa have daily lived out a 1 Cor 13 love, and i've been privilaged to see it. They have been married for 68 years. My grandpa is a living example of staying committed in sickness and in health. My grammy is a diabetic, blind in one eye, and has multiple cancers, and for the past year has been on kidney dialysis. She is 90 years old. And my grandpa has been the primary caretaker. Committing his life to serve and love my grandma. At all costs. I admire him so. And my grammy, NEVER complains. The first thing she asks when you see her is " how are YOU doing?" followed closely by grave concern that we arent being fed enough as she proceeds to prepare a feast for you to eat. You CANNOT say no, she'll keep offering 'til you have accepted and eaten more than a whole army should. :) She NEVER EVER complains about the pain she is feeling, her concern is always for others. She is my inspiration. I have been blessed beyond words to have them as my grandparents. Their love for the Lord and each other has seen them through each of life's storms. I love them so.
Losing my grammy: pain free? NO
Knowing she will soon be walking beside her beloved Savior, free from pain and suffering forever: Greatly Comforting? ABSOLUTELY.

As the last part of 2009 and this first part of 2010 have shown me, life will never be pain-free.
And you know what, it doesn't matter.

The Lord has been and is continuing to teach me a contentment in Him that is unwavering inspite of circumstances. A complete trust in His character. A steadfast assurance of who my God is and what he has done, is doing, and will do in my life. He knows far better than I what I need, where i'm supposed to be, Who I'm supposed to be, and what my future holds.
Do I trust him enough to relinquish my most precious hopes and dreams to him?
Will I love him enough to give him ALL of me?
Will I... Surrender.
And i'm learning to. daily. A daily relinquishment of all I want to hold onto. long for.care about.hurt over.dwell upon. It's all His anyways. And it's all out of my control. It's completely in His hands. Always has been whether I tried to keep it myself or not.

Will I fully trust that God knows EXACTLY what he's doing, and it's for my good and His glory?

That's the question.

This year is shaping up to be an incredibly life-changing year. One with the promise of pain, failure, hurt, rejection, disapointment... and If i'm willing to surrender.... one that can be full of unrestrained joy in the Lord, utter abandonment for him, reckless crazy love for my savior, full of immense opportunities to be his hands and feet wherever whenever he calls me and right where he has me.
Whether God keeps me here in Cali, or moves me to Washington, or brings me to a place not yet placed on my heart. He'll use me. If i let him.

I long for my face to radiate with the Love of Christ. My smile to tell of his Glory, my eyes to twinkle with the infectious promise that knowing and serving Christ wholeheartedly will be worth it. Far beyond what we can comprehend or imagine.
When you see me this year, i pray you won't see Kelsey Michele Heathers. I pray you'll see a woman who knows, serves and loves the Lord unashamedly and unreservedly. And loves others more selflessly and completely. Crazily in love and recklessly abandoned for the Lord. May that be what i'm known for.

May my life point upward.

I pray 2010 will not be all about me. But about Him.
Less of Me and more of you Lord.

I hope you'll follow along with me. walk beside me, hold me accountable with tough love, encourage me, and most importantly fall completely in Love with our Savior right along with me.

Let us sharpen each other, urge each other on in the faith.
My deepest prayer is that we would not remain lukewarm, complacent, or stagnant in our love relationship with Christ this year.

Let us not settle for mediocre. good enough. tolerable.

I don't want to be content with that.

I hope when non-believers see us they can recognize whom we serve. Can they see a difference? can they tell?

I want to be overwhelmed and exploding with a love for the Lord. Starting now.

I want that for you too.

2010... I can't wait to see what you have in store.

For the life I have, as long as I have it...may it be used for your Glory alone.

Thank you Jesus!